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Friday, April 27, 2018

Abuse Trauma Goes Mostly Undetected In Many Victims



First, let's clear up a misunderstanding about relationship abuse. Many believe women are the only domestic abuse victims. That's obviously bullsh*t. Women ARE NOT the only victims. Males are also victims of relationship abuse.

It's true. Women and children make up the majority of abuse victims. However, there are instances where men are the victims. And this is largely because they were raised to never mistreat a woman, developing in them mannerisms that portray them as being wimps or easy targets.

Nonetheless, abuse is never tolerable no matter the victim.



Victims Often Hide Their Abuse

Abuse has traumatizing effects. Each victim is different in terms of how they cope. Yet, all victims have one thing in common. Silence. For various reasons, they will not tell anyone about their abuse.

As long as the abuser knows he or she has isolated the victim through obvious psychological shaming, the abuse continues and escalates ---often to a deadly climax.

Since abusers have changed their approach and now leave bruises only in hidden places, physical abuse is not easy to detect---in women anyway. Men are a little different. They can have a knot on the head or a cut on the arm and it's natural to figure they had a freak accident in the garage or at work.

Usually, the family has a 'feeling' that something is wrong. But the victim denies it. In all abuse cases, it takes a major emergency event to validate abuse suspicions.

An Emergency Event Is An Easy Escape Route

Once the victim's injuries require hospital treatment, and there is a routine investigation, whether the victim presses charges or implicates the perpetrator, this is a good time to leave the abusive situation and escape deadly harm. Remember. Abuse doesn't deflate in frequency or severity. It escalates.

The episode is documented in medical records. Friends and family can also voice their concerns to law enforcement adding critical information to the file. The victim's silence or refusal to press charges (if that's still the case) will likely be viewed as the actions of a "frightened and intimidated" abuse victim. Which is usually the case.

An order of protection is also a legitimate action that reinforces the file, making it easier for police action should the perpetrator follow up with stalking, threatening texts or phone calls or some other harassment.

Not every victim can temporarily relocate. But spending six to twelve months out of town with relatives makes a huge difference. The critical piece in this step is to keep the location "undisclosed".

Abusers who feel they've been outdone become angry. One way of retaliating when they don't know where the victim is hiding, is to start a new relationship in hopes of the victim contacting them out of jealousy. When there's no contact, the perpetrator begins a new cycle of abuse with his new victim. This time the victim presses charges.

A police file of suspected abuse already exists on the abuser, complete with photographs of the victims injuries along with medical reports. The judge finds him guilty, sentences him accordingly.


Abuse Victims Should Always Be Vigilant

Though the abuser spent time in jail for his actions, many of them are furious at the victim for "taking away their freedom". Three blind mice can see that he stripped away his on freedom. But anyway...

As long as their abuser is still around, victims should NEVER take their safety for granted. It's hard to know what an abuser will do. Chances are they will move on. But there's a greater chance that they might be operating from a type of controlling obsessive behavior.

It's better to be safe than to become a statistic.

Shalom.

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