Wednesday, February 21, 2018

STOP the Madness: Men Are Not Babysitters

Painting by James Loveless
Painting by James Loveless of Loveless Galleries

Get 'cho-self' together, sustah. It's okay to feel a little insecure at times. But you need to work on strengthening "self" so you can do what you gotta do for your children.

Don't misunderstand. I know how you feel. I have children. I, too, was once ignorant of the importance of understanding parenting roles. But when that fine hunk of a man started distancing himself from me, I had to reach out to an elder mother and vent.

I told her we argued all the time because he didn't want to keep the baby. She gave me an ear full of knowledge that stepped all over my toes. Her wisdom was painful to hear, but I needed it. I'm grateful for the privilege of now 'knowing' and 'understanding' parental roles. I changed my tune and kept my family together. -at least during the baby's critical years.
Raising hell because you wanna put an apron on your man and tie him down with motherhood responsibilities will leave you sittin' in that one-bedroom apartment by yo'self.

Men are not women. He does not have the patience, nurturing virtue or emotional sensitivity that you have. YAH gave you these virtues because you need them to carry your babies to term and nurture them after they're born. In other words, fathers are not equipped to be mothers.

In essence, men are not babysitters.

He can watch the baby for a couple of hours while you run errands. Just jot down some care instructions and he will be fine for a short period of time.

But be warned. He is not prepared for a nonstop "crying" situation, which often happens with newborns when they're away from their mothers.

Forcing the father to become a full-time babysitter often turns deadly.

All you have to do is google the term "father convicted of killing infant". Hundreds, if not thousands of news stories populate. Details in most of these cases reveal that the father admits: "the baby wouldn't stop crying...I was just trying to quiet him down". 

  • In almost every case where the father is convicted of killing an infant, he is the  babysitter while the mother works a fulltime job.
  • The mother often uses the threat of 'child support' to force him into keeping the infant eight hours a day.
This IS NOT good.

When this tragedy happens, does it mean the father is an evil person? No. Not necessarily. It most often means parental roles were out of order.

If you're familiar with farming, then you know you'll never see a rooster sitting on eggs or covering the baby chicks with its feathers. The mother hen does that.

Everything must be done decently and in order. Otherwise, the imbalance of disorder causes problems. -severely in most cases.

This is usually the case: the mother doesn't understand that men are not babysitters. And the father, perhaps under the threat of child support might have grudgingly agreed to watch the child, while he is already frustrated and resentful. The potential for disaster is already present.

What is your obligation?

Teach your sons and daughters their parental roles. Help them understand the dynamics of parenting. It's simple. Mothers are to nurture infant babies until they are at least two years old. 

Fathers are fine with toddler-aged babies because toddlers are already walking, forming sentences, and they can interact with their fathers in a way that infants cannot. 

However, this doesn't mean he should be a full-time babysitter for his toddlers. Don't get crazy. It just means he's more comfortable with toddlers because they can 'tell' him what they want, as opposed to the uncontrollable crying of infants.

And on a side note, STOP all this random child-support-filing nonsense! Most of the time the father does his financial part. Or you don't give him a chance to. 

Naw. Child support is your way of controlling him or getting revenge. -all you're doing is inviting an oppressive system to break up the family unit. STOP IT.

Karma is a helluva thang.

Knowing is liberating. Liberation is what you need.

"Free your mind and your ass will follow."



  1. This is so true. In other cultures this is understood.

    1. Where you from? Cause my girl been threatin me wit child support since before she had him. Now that he's here, she think I'm supposed to babysit every weekend I'm off.

    2. Do you give her reason to not trust you?

    3. I work all the time. Two jobs to pay for a our life together. She too insecure. I'm almost out the door.

    4. Have the two of you had a serious talk about it?

  2. Yeah. She knows how I feel. I know how she feels. I'm expected to make all the adjustments. I don't know man. Bummer


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